seticat

Just after midnight, Oct 2, 2009, the Canyon County Paramedics sat me down and told me that Jeff was gone. "The Worst Day"

It's been a hard year. I'm not *over it*. I don't think this is the sort of thing you're ever over. But my 'getting through the next five minutes' is now more like 'getting through the next day'. Things still reach out and grab me. Something will catch my eye and I turn to tell him about it. Or I see something on the Internet and think, "I need to send that to Jeff.' That will never change. We shared the same off beat, disjointed sense of humor ['The Great Annual Grocery Bag Migration', 'The Shopping Cart Rebellion', 'The Night Santa Cthulhu Came to Visit', etc] and I miss matching wits and reveling in the few times I could actually catch him speechless.

Things like that.

But more and more I'm remembering the good times over our 22+ years together rather then that one horrible night.

We were horrible about photos. Neither of us liked having our picture taken. So I have few photos to remember him by. But we both had an affection for our respective spirit & totem animals. His was Stag, more specifically an Irish Red Deer Stag, and mine was Cougar, but sometimes the down to Earth domestic cat would bring the messages. When you're walk 'alternate spiritual pathways', you try to keep your mind open to whatever messenger comes.

In life, his color scheme ran to reds, blacks and silvery grays and mine was Autumn colors: rusts, golden yellows and green.

Yes, all of this leads somewhere.

A very kind hearted and wonderful artist that I met on the teenycom art community had a style I liked and I contacted her to see if she'd be willing to do a commission for me. She agreed and over the space of a few months and a flurry of emails I left it in her hands knowing I would love what she created.

The finished art came in yesterday and it's so far past my expatiations there simply aren't words.



This small size shown here doesn't do it justice so if you'd like, go see the larger version here: http://pics.livejournal.com/seticat/pic/0002cgxc

It doesn't make the pain and loss go away, but it helps bring back the feel of being held safe and warm in someone's arms.

Thank you, Mearu. So very, very much.

From the Idaho Press-Tribune: Jeffry Alan James

My most sincere thanks yous to Joseph Fuller who wrote much of the actual narrative of the obituary. We family members were able to simple sit and share memories and he gleaned the nuggets and made them into something readable.

Today was the grave side memorial. There was no internment today - we're still awaiting the ashes, the plaque from VA and such. There will be an internment of some of his ashes later and other will be spread to the winds in various locations.

More perhaps later - as things settle out in my head.

This pretty much applies only to those folks in the SCA, but one never knows.

If anyone out there has any photos of Cairbre/Jeff, could they consider scanning them and mailing them to me? We lost so many things in the house fire years ago and our photos were pretty much a 100% loss. Also, if you could ask your friends and have them ask their friends? I could really use some good memories right now.

My thanks to you.